My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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