i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
