Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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