My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Randomize
