she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
