Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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