I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
