clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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