sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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