theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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