dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
