I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have post one night stand depression
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