If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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