There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This toilet bowl is my home.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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