if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
