1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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