I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
