Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
