Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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