Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
