My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
