I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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