About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
