fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
