dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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