my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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