Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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