Michael Bay diarrhea
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
