Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
