the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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