Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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