so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
