I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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