its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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