I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
