so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
