did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I need a beard to bite.
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