Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
