We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
