he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
