I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize