i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
