I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
