I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Pants are for mortals
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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