So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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