I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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