was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I didn't notice because vodka
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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