Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
