Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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