I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
