just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
