I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
