how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
