I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
