We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
