Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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