At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
