Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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