So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Holy shit dude........stairs
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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