just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
hell yes lets make some ravioli
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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