Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
