Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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