I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize