I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I love you.
Bad choice
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