U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
