there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
