she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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