There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
