If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
