i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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