my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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