So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
