Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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