just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
